Thursday, April 2, 2009

Spock Bangs

So, I needed a haircut, and there was this place in the mall where we go grocery shopping. My friend and I decided to go in and check it out as it was not too expensive. The lady was rude right off the bat, telling me she really thinks she should dye my hair because she can see my roots and mocking me behind my back when I said I didn't want her to dye it. Yeah, there was a mirror in front of me. Not only was she a bad hairdresser, she was just plain stupid.
Anyways, so I'm explaining to her that I want just a simple haircut, minimum cut, a trim. So, she asks "2 fingers" length is a good length to cut off the bottom, and I say, "yes, that's great"... So, she literally goes around my head with her two fingers measuring and snipping. So, let me first just establish that she essentially put a bowl on my head and cut around as the actual haircut itself. She didn't thin it out or anything, ask about layers... She literally just cut around. ANYWAYS, it gets to the part where she's trying to figure out how I part my hair. So, I showed her where my part is and which side I wear my hair to. I was explaining to her how my forehead is small and she was like, "yes, it is really small," and I was like, "yes, thanks... anyways, I wear my hair to the right"... So, she looks at my hair and measures it up, and she goes "cortito?" CHOP. Cortito means "Really short"... And she chopped the SHORTEST little bangs I've ever seen. And I go, "no, no, no, NOOOO.. stop, no shorter"... so, she doesn't cut shorter. She brings a THIN layer of hair infront of the short wisps and cuts longer Wisps. So, literally I have two layers of these thin, wispy, uneven bangs. You could see through the first layer to the shorter layer. So, it was literally like she was trying to play up the 3-dimensional quality of my hair. It wasn't even laying flat, and was sticking out in front of me, blowing in the wind. I don't even know what she was going for at that point. Anyways, I was mortified and actually just laughing at that point. It's like she wanted my hair to stick out and touch whomever I was talking to. Who would want such an interactive hairdo?!? So, she cut diagonal bangs to the right, as if to say "look, you can wear it to the right now." and I was LIVID. She dried my hair and I ran away, I told her it wasn't what I had wanted, so she gave me a few euros discount and I stormed off. She could do no more damage.
Anyways, I would NEVER have asked for bangs in a million years. The last time I had bangs, they looked like this:

Furthermore, at least those bangs were all one, semi-appropriate length, albeit the part in this photo starts at the back of my head and sweeps all of the hair on my head into the bangs. REGARDLESS, I now had a horrendous version of the Spanish bangs I make fun of on the train and in class on a daily basis. Perhaps it was kharma, perhaps it was some sick April Fool's joke. Either way, I was the butt of it.
So, I went back home, and my friend evened the bangs out, leaving them so short. My hair looks like a sick imitation of Spock, but perhaps more aptly, it truly looks like a Cleopatra wig. My hair looks like a Cleopatra wig, and I have never wanted bangs.
The only consolation is that hair grows. Oh, and also the fact that there were 3 girls in my first class of the day today that had that haircut WILLINGLY (I assume, unless the crazy, I'm assuming unlicensed hairdresser I went to also got a hold of them)
Anyways, so, I can wear my hair about 2 ways. One way makes me look like Audrey Hepburn's ethnic, institutionalized cousin...








The other way makes me look like I'm wearing a costume wig of Cleopatra. Also, it reminds me far too much of the way Penelope Cruz wore her hair to the BAFTA awards which I gawked at in a "what was she thinking? i'm never getting bangs" sort of way...... adding to this, I am not Penelope Cruz, so seriously people must be wondering what I'm thinking.












Okay, maybe it's not HORRIBLE, but it is traumatizing, and I do really regret it. However, I understand there are more serious issues in the world, and I will still enjoy my trip to Italy this upcoming week. All of my friends are heading off in their respective directions for Holy Week. Some are going to Sevilla, some to London, some to Galicia and Portugal, some to Barcelona, and I might even be meeting up with some high school friends (other than Leigh) in Italy!! So, it looks like it's shaping up to be a good holiday... despite my current resemblance to a certain Star Trek character.


6 comments:

Unknown said...

Okay.... I am still laughing so hard that I am crying actual tears. The "Audrey H. cousin" comment made me actually stop reading to control my guffaw of laughter...

Okay, version 1 is a little scary, no doubt about it. version 2 is gorge!!! It IS dramatic, but you know, you look really good, and your eyes have never looked bigger (in a great way). Honestly, I know it's a little more severe than you usually go, but it is VERY chic, and you're pulling it off.

Unknown said...

OMG - hilarious...Anyway - I agree with Sara - you're totally pulling it off! Not sure what's funnier in the little kid pic - your bangs, your stretch pants...or Steve's skirt! Can't wait to hear what Emily thinks...she has some pretty strong opinions on bangs...

Emily said...

They're really not bad, Marbles! And your smile/facial expressions in the pictures make a world of difference, haha.

I DO have strong opinions on bangs, but I think I really object to when people have them too low and almost in their eyes all the time. Like Rory Gilmore's bangs during the season that she was really annoying.

I'm glad we got to talk yesterday though! Can't wait to hear about Italy and see the pics!

Joe Figueiredo said...

You look terrible

Anonymous said...

Joe,
You're just jealous because you have the same hair, but Mari rocks it.

BTW, my word verification? "tansides"

Awesome

Sheila said...

I think the bangs look great. Your eyes just POP! I wouldn't recognize you on the street! It is only hair!!!